Money And Relationships – 7 Steps For How To Stop Fighting Over Money

If you were to ask couples what they fight about the most, most would say money!

Disagreements over finances are commonly cited as the primary cause of divorce.

Money talk can get messy if two people in a relationship are not on the same page.

Avoiding money-related fights can enhance the level of harmony within the home.

Fortunately, there are many 7 steps you can take to minimize the disagreements.

Discover how to get a handle on financial disputes in the home:

MONEY AND RELATIONSHIPS

TIP # 1 – Understand your attitudes regarding money.

It’s possible you grew up in a wealthy home, and your spouse didn’t.

You might value saving over spending, and your spouse is the exact opposite.

If your wife grew up wearing the clothes her older sister outgrew, she might place a high priority on buying new clothes regularly because it stung her so much that she always had to wear hand-me-downs.

Your husband might value having a brand new car because his family could only afford cars that were over 10 years old.

Understanding your differing views can help you find middle ground regarding finances.

• Those new clothes or car might mean more to your spouse than you realize. One partner may have a more abundant mindset while the other thinks of money from a scarcity mindset.
• This will lead to clashes about money unless you try to find a middle ground. It’s important to open up a conversation about your views about spending and saving money so that you both know exactly where the other person is coming from.Â
• In my own relationship, my parents were quite frugal but managed to retire quite young due to some savvy saving and investing habits. My husband’s parents on the other hand were more generous and less uptight about money but they retired as pensioners, without any income coming from additional investments.
• We have had to work together to find a middle ground approach that embraces both an abundant mindset towards money and smart savings habits that will enable us to live well beyond our working years.

MONEY AND RELATIONSHIPS

TIP # 2 – Include everyone in the budgeting process

There aren’t many of us that enjoy being told what to do. Creating, imposing, and enforcing a budget on the other partner without input or explanation inevitably causes animosity.

• Have a meeting with the entire family and go over the budget.
• Provide an opportunity for everyone to give their opinion and ask questions. Everyone will be more likely to stick to the budget if they’re involved in the process.
• You need to all know what you are working so hard to achieve.
• Is it an early retirement? To buy an beach-house overseas that you can vacation in the future? Or to simply send your kids to college without accumulating a massive student loan debt.

MONEY AND RELATIONSHIPS

TIP # 3 – Discuss major purchases with your spouse

Coming home with a pair of $50 shoes is one thing.

Towing a new boat home without a discussion is an entirely different situation.

Have an agreement that all major purchases will be discussed beforehand.

• Minimizing surprises helps to keep the peace.
• You may decide that purchasing anything more than $100 needs to be flagged first with the other partner – or maybe that figure is $250 or $1000 for you.
• We all have a rough idea of what amount of money would cause a strain on our family’s finances.
• Define what a major purchase specifically means to you and your partner and how you will deal with making those decisions.

MONEY AND RELATIONSHIPS

TIP # 4 – Schedule regular family budget meetings

A 10-minute meeting once a week should be more than sufficient to go over your budget.

You can use this time to go over the spending for the week and compare it with your current budget plan.

• Are you sticking to your plan? Making progress or falling behind?
• Discuss how the spending is matching up with the plan.
• Any corrections or adjustments can also be addressed.
• It can also be a convenient time to see if anyone has any unbudgeted expenses coming up so those can be accounted for.

MONEY AND RELATIONSHIPS

TIP # 5 – Give everyone an allowance, including yourself

Many financial disputes come down to someone feeling a lack of freedom or control.

That is definitely not a healthy way to live, even if saving money is your top priority.

Providing everyone in the household a few dollars to spend any way they desire can be helpful.

• You don’t have to spend the money you choose to allocate to yourself but knowing that you have the freedom to do so if you wish can feel liberating.
• On the other hand, having to get permission before every little purchase can create an underlying resentment towards our partner that is hard to budge.

MONEY AND RELATIONSHIPS

TIP # 6 – Have some common financial goals

Everyone in the house is likely to be more agreeable to a reduction in spending if it’s being done to reach a desirable goal, such as a vacation.

Saving for a dream house, retirement, or college can put everyone on the same page.

Set, pursue, and achieve goals together. You are all in this together!

MONEY AND RELATIONSHIPS

TIP # 7 – Think before you speak

If your spouse has run up the credit card again, take some time to get your emotions under control.

Sure you can share your displeasure with them, but leave your emotions out of it.

If you focus on the behavior rather than the person, you’re less likely to make someone defensive.

You can say “you spending that $100 carelessly makes me feel stressed because it means something needs to be shifted in our budget this month to account for that cost” as opposed to “you are so selfish, we will never get anywhere in life if you continue to ruin our financial goals like that.”

Once again, I want to point out that fighting over money is a common occurrence. Â Don’t think you are the only ones who do it!

With patience and understanding however, most arguments over finances can become a thing of the past.

Just go over these 7 tips, make sure to include the whole family in the budgeting process and review the family’s spending on a regular basis.

That is the way to finally stop fighting over money.

You need to work out SPECIFICALLY what you are fighting about and work out how to address that SPECIFIC issue.

Do so and your partner and family will thank you for it.

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